


PITA Clint

by aww_writing_no



Category: Marvel
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medical, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-06 21:09:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17947178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aww_writing_no/pseuds/aww_writing_no
Summary: CNA Romanoff works nights and isn’t happy about being sent to work a daytime recruitment fair. Then a blond-haired RN offers her a cup of coffee and everything goes off the rails.





	PITA Clint

Natasha threw a stack of brochures on the folding table with a loud huff. This was so not her job. She’d drawn the short end of the stick because she worked nights and was therefore “available” for this daytime recruitment fair, but this was her normal sleep time, dammit. They had recruiters for this kind of thing for a reason. People whose entire goddamn job was to smile and tell you how great it was to work for their hospice. 

She gave the table an angry kick and started organizing the flyers, brochures, and pamphlets they’d sent her with. This was absolute goddamn garbage. Why did they send her with so much junk? Nobody was actually going to read all these glossy pamphlets or use these ugly plastic keychains. 

Natasha set one of the branded pen cups down with a little too much force, and three of the hideous red ballpoint pens jumped out of the cup and rolled off the table. “God. Fucking. Dammit,” she bit out with a low growl. She was officially going to kill whoever had had the bright idea to send the floor staff out to the recruitment fairs to give people a better idea who they'd be working with.

If people actually knew who they’d be working with, they’d never take a job at her hospice. Any sane person would run for the hills.

Before she could walk around the table to pick up the pens, a tall blond man wearing bright purple scrubs was leaning over the table and handing them to her. 

“Not a morning person?” he asked with a friendly smile, slipping the pens back in the cup as she made no move to grab them. He stuck out his hand. “I’m Clint Barton with SHIELD Hospital.” 

Natasha took his hand and squeezed it a little more firmly than was entirely friendly. He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment. It made her hate him just a little bit more. 

“Natasha Romanoff. Hospice Hydra,” she said, gesturing to the table in front of her. “Obviously.” 

“Obviously,” Clint nodded, still smiling. “Can I get you a coffee? You look like you need it.” 

Natasha glared at him. “I work nights,” she snapped. It was far too early to be dealing with people this awake and alive. 

“Hey, me too!” he said, delighted. Clint held up his hand for a high-five. “Night shift buddies!” 

She narrowed her eyes, leaving him hanging on the high-five. “How are you this awake?” 

He lowered his hand and laughed. “Oh man, I’m on so much coffee right now I’m surprised the walls aren’t moving. Or maybe they are moving and I’m too hopped up to notice. We got slammed in the ED last night and then I got sent straight here after working a twelve, so I’m basically functioning on caffeine, sugar, and adrenaline. Good stuff.” 

Natasha blinked slowly, processing his information dump. 

Undeterred by her surly attitude, he continued chatting. “I lost count of how many cups I had around 3am, but I’m headed for a refill and can grab you a cup too. You really look like you need it. You’re not gonna attract any applicants if you keep glaring at people like that.” Clint frowned. “Am I talking too much? I might be talking too much.” 

Natasha blew out a long breath. How much coffee had this guy had? Her hands itched to take his pulse, because that couldn’t be healthy. “You’re talking too much, but coffee would be great, thanks.” 

“Awesome!” he said, breaking into a smile again. “Don’t go anywhere; I’ll be right back.” 

Natasha shook her head as she watched him hustle off to the refreshments table. Clint was entirely too chipper for having just come off a busy twelve hour shift in the emergency room of a Trauma One hospital. 

She had just finished arranging her brochures in the little plastic stand they sent her with when Clint came back balancing two cups of coffee and a plate piled high with bagels. He put down the bagels to hand her one of the coffee cups. 

“I wasn’t sure how you take your coffee, but you look like a ‘black as death’ kind of person.”

Natasha snorted. “You’re not wrong,” she told him, grabbing the cup and taking a long swig. 

Clint pumped his fist, coffee almost sloshing over the rim of his cup. “Knew it!” he crowed. “You want a bagel?” He pushed the plate towards her. “I grabbed a bunch because the last thing I ate was maybe a muffin before the trauma patient came in around 2am. I’m starved.” 

“Maybe a muffin?” Natasha asked, peering at the bagels. She pulled out one that looked like an egg bagel and nibbled a corner. Yep. Egg bagel. 

He shrugged and picked up what looked like an onion bagel. “I dunno, it could have been a really old cupcake. It kinda tasted like cardboard, to be honest.” He bit into the bagel and made a face as he chewed. “Aww, strawberry cream cheese, no,” he whined after he swallowed, looking mournfully at the bagel before taking another bite. 

Natasha stared openly for a couple of seconds in disbelief. “How are you still alive?” she asked, incredulous.

Clint shrugged again, coffee sloshing ominously in his hand. “I work in the ED. Turns out they’re pretty good at keeping people alive.” 

She squinted suspiciously at him. She didn’t see how he was managing to keep himself alive, much less his patients. “Are you sure? When’s the last time you killed somebody?” 

Clint’s expression hardened. “With that stellar bedside manner I should ask the same of you.” 

“Yesterday,” she told him without any hesitation. “I work at a hospice, remember? All my patients are on the brink of dying.” 

“So are most of mine,” Clint reminded her, still frowning. “Apparently I just care a lot more about that fact.” 

“Fuck you,” Natasha snapped, putting her half eaten bagel back on the plate and shoving her coffee cup at him. “I don't need this. Go back to your booth and leave me the hell alone.” 

Clint fumbled for a second, stuffing his bagel in his mouth so he had a free hand to take Natasha's cup. He carefully balanced her cup on the lid of his and took the bagel out of his mouth to speak. 

“Well you're touchy for someone who just asked me if I killed anyone,” Clint snapped. “And don't you dare try using the ‘I haven't slept’ excuse, because dammit neither have I. I was just trying to be nice. You're the one who decided to be an asshole.” 

Natasha was about to come up with a nasty retort when someone bumped Clint from behind. His eyes went comically large as he watched her coffee cup fly off the lid of his cup. He dropped his bagel in an attempt to catch the flying cup, but missed when the coffee in his cup sloshed over the lip and all over his hand. 

Clint let out a pained yelp and dropped the second cup of coffee as he shook the hot liquid off his hand. “Oh shit,” he said, looking down at the table that was now covered in puddles of coffee. 

Natasha had stifled a shriek as the coffee had flown out of his hand, and was grabbing pamphlets off the table before the coffee had a chance to spread. She was going to fucking murder Clint. 

“I'm so sorry,” Clint said, head swiveling around in a panic. “I'll get some towels,” he told her before taking off in a jog. 

Probably running away, Natasha thought angrily. He better run after ruining half her brochures. Her bosses were going to be so pissed when she came back and everything was covered in coffee stains. 

And there were coffee splatters on her blouse. Of course today had to be the day she wore white because her supervisor said her usual all black was too unprofessional. Clint was a fucking dead man. 

Natasha was busy sorting her pamphlets and brochures to see what she could salvage when Clint came back with a huge stack of paper towels. 

“I raided the janitor’s closet,” he told her breathlessly, starting to mop up the puddles on the table and dropping piles of paper towels onto the larger puddles on the floor. “This is such a mess, I’m so sorry,” he apologised as he cleaned. 

Natasha was a little surprised he’d come back and was actually helping her clean up the mess he’d made. She’d kind of figured he’d dump the towels and run if he even came back at all. That was more of what she’d expect from a fancy RN from a fancy hospital like SHIELD. People tended to look at CNAs like they were the burger flippers of the nursing world and RNs were pretty accustomed to simply ordering CNAs around. Clint’s help was refreshing, even if he was the cause of the mess in the first place. 

“You better be sorry,” she grumbled half-heartedly under her breath. “If these come out of my paycheck, I’m showing up at your hospital and murdering you.” 

Clint looked up in alarm, coffee dripping off the wad of paper towels in his hand and on to his shoe as he stared at her in horror. “They wouldn’t actually do that to you?” he asked in a voice that begged her to be joking. 

Natasha shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the first time,” she told him. 

Clint continued to gape. 

“Stop staring, you’re getting coffee on your shoe,” she pointed out.

Clint shook his head before lobbing the paper towels at a nearby trash can. His aim was apparently better than his coordination, and they dropped in with a wet splat. Natasha was mildly impressed. 

“That’s fucked up, man,” Clint told her as he blotted the coffee off his shoe with another wad of paper towels. “You need to get out of there if they’re docking your paycheck over stuff like this.” 

“Smooth,” Natasha said, rolling her eyes and blotting the keychains dry. “Do you dump coffee on all the people you try to recruit? Because I can’t really see that tactic going over particularly well. And if you say it’s just me I swear I’m going to murder you on the spot.” 

“Jesus, lady, what is your obsession with killing people?” 

Natasha crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him. She wasn’t going to dignify that with an answer, seeing as he’d dumped coffee all over her and then tried to recruit her for his hospital. The audacity was pretty astounding. 

Clint sighed. “It’s not like that. I’m not trying to recruit you. I mean, I guess I am, but only because Hydra is apparently a really shitty place to work. I’d heard rumors, but man, If SHIELD docked my pay every time I did something stupid and spilled stuff on myself, I’d be making negative money.” 

“You know you’re not really selling this,” Natasha said dryly. 

“Sorry, I’m not…” Clint paused. “I do better when the coffee’s actually in me, not on the floor,” he said by way of an explanation. 

“Uh huh. Sure.” 

“But seriously,” he said earnestly, “If Hydra’s docking your pay over stuff like this, you need to get out now. You don’t trust me because this is a recruitment fair, but I swear it’s not like that. I haven’t had any sleep and I didn’t even want to be here today. I’m not a recruiter. But I guarantee you’ll be happier if you work for us and I’d love to have you on our team. You’re clearly being wasted at Hydra.” 

Natasha flicked a wet brochure at him. “Sure, because wiping asses and fetching blankets is so different at your hospital.” 

While she appreciated the thought, in her experience being a CNA sucked no matter where you went. You were always underappreciated and at the beck and call of doctors and nurses who thought they knew so much more than you did. Yeah, Hydra wasn’t the best place to work for (or be a patient at, if she was being entirely honest) but she doubted SHIELD was any better. Everyone took advantage of the CNAs. That was the nature of the business. 

Clint scooped up another wad of wet paper towels and tossed them over his shoulder. They landed in the trash can, much to Natasha’s amazement. 

“Nailed it!” Clint said, pumping his fist. 

She shook her head. “Are all the nurses at SHIELD this juvenile?” 

“Naw, I’m special,” Clint said with a shit-eating grin. “But seriously, you should think about it. We have education reimbursement, so if you stay with us at least a year we’ll cover the full cost of nursing school. That’s what I did, and look at me now. Working recruitment fairs with no sleep and spilling coffee on people.” He spread his arms wide. “It’s a glamorous life, being an RN.” 

“Yeah, still not selling it,” she lied. Education reimbursement? In this economy she’d sell out for a lot less than a full education reimbursement. 

“Aww, really?” Clint said, looking disappointed. “You want to be a CNA at a hospice forever? As an RN you’d have better pay and way more opportunities. You could give medication, start IVs, and you wouldn’t be stuck on butt and blanket duty all the time. Even if you don’t want to come to SHIELD, you should give it some thought. We’re not the only place out there that offers an education reimbursement. Hydra’s using you. I promise there’s a better life out there, even if it isn’t with us. Though I still think you should join us, your triage skills are excellent.” He pointed at the neat stacks of brochures she’d sorted out while he was cleaning off the table.

“Anyway, I’m getting preachy and I really need to drink some coffee because I dumped my last cup all over your table, but you should think about what I said.” He gave her another fiendish grin before waltzing off. “I’ve got pamphlets if you want them,” he called over his shoulder. 

Yep. She was definitely going to murder him. 

**Author's Note:**

> While working on the sequel to "Figure" I asked my ER nurse friend for an example of an under-appreciated job. She told me CNA. I told her Natasha would make a terrible CNA. She told me it would be hilarious. 
> 
> Thus, this story was born. 
> 
> You can probably expect to see more from these two in the future (spoiler! Nat gets a job a SHIELD) but it might be a while because I want to get my other WIPs out of the way first. 
> 
> Thanks to [Bedlamwolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bedlamwolf/pseuds/Bedlamwolf) for beta reading. She's the best.


End file.
